A person That Empowers Me

THANKS ELLE FOR THIS IDEA!!!

Well... I feel like though I would love to write al about a single person that inspires me, I want to tell you about PEOPLE that inspire me:

1. Amy Steinberg-  You all should have expected this one.... Let me start with saying that Amy inspires me in so many ways. One way she inspires me is with her music... Have you ever sat in a hot tub, and the warmth of the tub relaxes you, the jets massage your body, and the little bubbles tickle your skin and leave goosebumps down your back... the steam slows your breathing... and the sound calms your mind? That is sort of what I feel when I listen to Amy's music... the sound of her soul spilling out is the warmth that relaxes me... and the message and lyrics are what give me the goosebumps... the melody calms my mind... and the beat calms my breathing.
   Another way she inspires me is with her presence... Do you ever go around somebody, and just know you are wanted there... That's how I feel every single time I get to see Amy...
   Sometimes when I feel like I just cant go on... I listen to "Hope" or "Always" And I am empowered...
2. Christy Carpenter-  Well... Here is the thing about this amazing woman. She is like a ray of Sunshine walking around everywhere. She can be sick, laying in bed, in the frumpiest clothes, or crying her eyes out feeling sadness... but the moment somebody else needs her love... she forgets all of her troubles to be helpful. She helped me through High School to be quite honest. Her loving compassion reminded me every day that somebody cared for me... somebody wanted me to be something. I could then, and still always can swing by her house... even if it's just to get a hug, or to cry on a shoulder... She went out of her way to help me so many times... I could never thank her enough... the only thing I HOPE I can do is be half as compassionate as she is. And I know, when I need some sort of reassurance... I can always just giver her a ring... and feel empowered again.
3. DeeDee Love-  Well, she is my best friend after all... but honestly... I have never met a stronger woman in my life. She is a mountain... the weather will condition her... but good luck knocking her down... She is loving... DEEPLY loving... and will lift you up in many ways. Her voice, for one.. and her music... can bring me to tears. She moves my soul with her humor... and her laugh brings warmth to my heart. I can call her when I am feeling like SHIT... and you better believe she will have me laughing my little heart out... She is inspirational on so many levels... She empowers me by being somebody who I can learn from. Her strength and wisdom are remarkable. Her Light shines through, and her smile is contagious. And you can never leave her presence feeling less than amazing...
4. Susan Clancy-  Or, as I call her, Shoesy Pants. This vibrant red headed gypsy spirit has taken my world and turned it into a playground so many times. My world can feel crushed and shattered... I can be broke, I can be afraid... and somehow, Susan has taught me to find the spark of excitement in every single day... she keeps me from falling into a lifeless pit of doom... and for this, I am a better person.
5. Lisa Mueller-  Or as I call her... Liserrrrr. Lisa empowers me in multiple ways... She is fun and optimistic. She rarely complains... and she can laugh when she doesn't want to. She stays clear of drama... and is always looking out. She can overlook flaws... and admire great things. She is beautiful inside, and out... but would never in a million years call herself better than you. She has her shit together... and even if she has a moment of struggle... she never makes it known... her optimism shines through... and she thinks before she acts. She is amazing... and every time I leave after being around her... that's exactly how I feel, too.

I believe thats my list for the moment. Stay tuned.

A Culture I Love

THANKS MELISSA FOR THIS SUGGESTION!

A culture I love... I really had to think on this, and thank you so much for the suggestion.
I used to really love the district of Orlando I lived in for one important reason. Where I went to High School, the demographics showed 76 home languages. This meant of the thousands of kids in my school... there were people representing more than 76 cultures... not to mention the many different Hispanic variations, the many american variations... even the different regions that speak Creole.
When I moved to Tennessee, I felt like there was no culture here.Then I moved to Florida for a year... and desperately missed the Southern Hospitality... the sitting on the front porch... the help that was always offered. I missed swinging by Christy and Al's house without having to call ahead of time... I missed the slow pace. I missed seeing Lexie's little dance competitions... I missed going out and seeing 10 people I knew. I missed hopping in the car just to take a little ride. If you would have asked me this question before I experienced this... I may have said Italy, where physical touch is the most common love language (By the way "Love Languages" is a must read). Or maybe I would have said San Fran, where love is accepted in any combo... or Tokyo, where the style is outrageous...  But now that I have lived away from here... now that my world is falling into place... the culture I love the most is right here in East Tennessee. People are calm. People care deeply about you. People take their time, and notice the little things. People are interested in heading in other directions... but at the same time, remember home. Friends are family... and are always treated as such. Debates happen, and disagreements are talked about... but it won't affect a friendship. It's a place I'd want to raise children... but still expose them to outside cultures... but really, where I would want them to learn about loving people... and where I would want them to learn about social interaction... is right here...

People I want to SMACK!

THANKS CARRIE FOR THIS SUGGESTION!!!!


This post may get me in trouble with some of my loyal followers... but here is a list of people in the U.S. that I feel could use a big smack to the face:

• Pat Robertson: If I I need to explain this, I'm not sure why you subscribe to this blog... 

“It’s a long downward spiral that will lead to legalizing sex with ducks, if two men can stand side by side.”

 I think this is one of many extremely disturbing quotes by the old man. And then if we go back to his thoughts on Halloween, marriage, women, and health... Who gave this man a speaking role anywhere?

• Michelle Bachmann:  Well, we have a woman in our government who is often recognized and seen... but then she goes and says things like 

''Carbon dioxide is portrayed as harmful. But there isn't even one study that can be produced that shows that carbon dioxide is a harmful gas.''

And this concludes my commentary on Michelle....

• Hilary Duff: If I have to see this girl do another role, where she plays the same character every time... I might barf. She should NOT be an actor. Singing is fine... whatever... but I am an artsy person... you don't see me applying for jobs as a calculus teacher.

• Rihanna: You used to have talent, honey... but you have went downhill like nobody I've ever met... I mean... you're lyrics are so deep... and meaningful now...

''We found love in a hopeless place... we found love in a hopeless place... we found love in a hopeless place... we found love in a hopeless place...''

Its's almost as creative as Beiber's "And I was like 'Baby, Baby, Baby OH... Like Baby, baby, baby, no...'" But I don't think he should be on the list, because he has so many haters...

• Ke$ha: All I have to say on this one is this: Girls everywhere think it's cute to be tasteless sluts. They think it's cute to get so shitfaced that they puke everywhere... they think alcoholism is a funny game... and they think that being ditzy and talking how you do in your "music" is somehow attractive. Between you, Nicki Minaj, Lady Gaga, and the little skanks from Jersey Shore... I don't think any girl wrapped up in your worlds will ever be able to embrace the amazing beauty that she really is without feeling a need to paint on a face, glitter, and party their asses off.

• Any person who uses YOLO as an excuse to be stupid. Yes, you only live once... I thought that was obvious... but now it was in a song, so instead of doing something AMAZING with your life like, I don't know... HELPING people, or traveling the world... You take a phrase like YOLO... and party your ass off... so you only live once and you can't even remember most of it... and you can't even say you made a difference with the one life you have....?

Ways I Overindulge

THANK YOU NIK FOR THIS SUGGESTION!


I don't overindulge... ever. Except when.....

1) I eat chocolate... because most people probably eat one or two pieces, and then they call it a night... me... I end up with chocolate all over my hands and face... I typically then go back and get more... and I stop about the time I am throwing up chocolaty stomach acid.
2) I go out to eat. For most people this entails an appetizer, a drink, a meal, and MAYBE a dessert. For me it entails: Soup, salad, appetizer, a water, a bahama mama, a tequila sunrise, a pina colada, a  meal, a dessert, a dessert drink, and then whatever my favorite part of the meal was... to go.
3) I listen to Amy, Ingrid, or Alanis.... It's all day everyday. Never the same album more than twice in a row... But, I have probably referenced them more than I have referenced any book, ever...
4) I watch Dance Moms... because it's every tuesday during the season... and I have to recap the last episode... and live tweet...
5) I get massages... one every month or so is not enough. Wednesdays as 1pm is acceptable though....
6) I shop... because I can't imagine buying a dress without coordinating shoes and sunglasses.
7) Getting my nails done... because a manicure needs a pedicure to make it complete... and if your doing your nails you might as well do your eyebrows and hair too.
8) Go to the movies... because what is a movie without a $5.00 box of candy, a $7.00 drink, and a $10.00 bucket of popcorn... plus $3.00 3D glasses...
9) Go to the opera. This rarely is a pricey event... I did work with the opera, so I usually get tickets and drinks free... but seeing it once is not enough. I go to practice night, opening, and closing nights... =)

How I Use Facebook

THANKS CHRISTY FOR THIS SUGGESTION

I am pretty sure I use facebook the same way the rest of the world does... but here it goes:

6:00am alarm goes off, I hit snooze... 6:07, same alarm tone... I sit up, and check facebook.
I check through everybody's comments, and if it's somebody I really want to talk to, I reply. Otherwise, I usually wait for a week or so to even like the comment... sort of in hopes that they will quit liking and commenting on every status update I post.
I then check my business page... which is sort of goofy, being that I've closed my business... but don't hate.
I then go to the search bar, and spend the next 45 minutes or so getting my fix of funny photos from "the secret to humor is surprise"
I then log off on the laptop, and launch it on my android. I'm out the door...
Then I search my ex boyfriends page... creep on him for a bit... insult his current girlfriend in my head...
Then I stop for a while and stalk Lisa... She posts ike 5 times a day, so I can periodically stalk her through the day. She knows I stalk her... It's totally legal.
Then I avoid 99% of the IMs I get from guys who are obsessed with me for no reason. I want to delete them, but I don't want their feelings to get hurt.
Then I play a few ridiculous games... (songpop, snake, etc) And repeat the process each day. It's a healthy lifestyle.

(Apparently some people don't have IQs... so really I was being sarcastic and mimicking the majority of idiots I have encountered... except for the stalking Lisa part... but Facebook is the least effective way to succeed at that.)

Blog posts.

Over the next month or so, I am going to write all 100 of these blogs:

1 How I Use Facebook
2 Ways I Overindulge
3 People I want to smack
4 A Culture I Love
5 A person That Empowers Me
6 My secret addictions
7 My life and the Opera
8 Ways to make meetings fun
9 Ways to keep toddlers under control
10 Somebody Has to Say It
11 You Only Live Once - and other bullshit
12 How Schools Could Use Social Media
13 The Best Parts of Living in Knoxville
14 The Best Parts of Living in Jacksonville
15 How I Find Time to Relax
16 A Short Story
17 Coming Back from a Major Loss
18 Being a Social Butterfly
19 A Standard day in my life
20 Coming up with the perfect blog title.
21 Why I don't watch the news
22 GLEE-tards and other obsessive fans.
23 My Mother is On Facebook
24 Removing the Ego from your life
25 Books I Want to Write
26 Serving in Orange Shorts- The myths, the truths, the life.
27 Annoying Girls on Facebook/Twitter
28 Annoying Guys on Facebook/Twitter
29 If I Were a Movie Producer
30 What I miss About High school
31 What I don't miss about high school
32 Why I choose to vote this election
33 Musical Life Changers for me
34 What I Spend Money On
35 30 Dumbest people in America
36 30 People I LOVE in America
37 Reasons I Blog
38 The Truest Tragedy
39 My Writing Process
40 Ten Guilty Pleasures
41 The Reason I am addicted to The Nanny
42 My Dream: Opening a summer camp
43 My Day Job Versus My Passion
44 The Difference Between Cats and Dogs
45 Status Bombing
46 Annoying Family Members
47 When I Feel Frustrated
48 How Commercials Rob Households
49 Your Ideas And My Ideas- How We Play Together
50 Friends I Cant Wait to Meet

51 The Art of Chaos
52 Dumb Politicians
53 The Danger of Payday
54 Do We Seriously Need That Movie Again?
55 Breaking Down My Favorite Cartoons
56 Movies worth paying for
57 What would you do for a Klondike bar?
58 Life as an Eskimo
59 Twitter is Too Simple- Twitter is Just Right
60 The Future of Music
61 Garden Gnomes and other awkward internet hits
62 Facebook Applications I Love
63 You Are Here
64 Blogging Tactics- How to Keep it Fresh
65 I Want to Brag A Minute
66 The Nyan Cat
67 Why I'm glad I don't have Balls
68 My Photoshop Obsession
69 Topics That Need More Coverage
70 Comments versus Blog Posts
71 Bad acting in commercials
72 If I Ruled for a Day
73 Sexual Burger commericals
74 Stand up Comedy
75 Handling Critics
76 My fear of Homeless People
77 The Best Things Since Sliced Bread
78 From High Class to Fat Ass
79 Legos.
80 My Favorite Concert
81 Staying in Shape Working In a Bar
82 The Day I Woke Up
83 Letting Go
84 Downtime- What I Do Offline to Recharge
85 How I Embraced My Strengths
86 Discovering My Strengths
87 My Dream Vacation
88 Shaking Things Up
89 The Dating Game
90 Newspapers and How I Would Change Them
91 Interview With a Dog
92 Face all fears
93 Giving is Receiving
94 My Advice Collumn
95 Designing a Business Card
96  Why people want to be Sami Mack
97 For Every Excuse...
98 Just When I Think I Am Done
99 Why the economy sucks
100 When is Free Better- When Not

Blogger Interview

Where were you born and where do you call home?

I was born in a little town you've probably never heard of: Orlando, Fl.
But, I call Knoxville, TN home... and keep on coming back.

How long have you been blogging? 
I have been going on this blog for about 4 years or so.

What is the name of the book you most recently blogged about?

Well, the most recent is probably not the most relevant. I probably blogged about "The Why Cafe'" and "The Shack" but the most frequent is "The Power of Now", which I reference pretty regularly.

What did you think about the cover?

I always judge a book by its cover... hell, that's where the title and description are... ;)

If you could ask the Author 3 questions what would they be?
Well, since it is a book that helps you answer the tough questions in life, I'd ask Eckhart Tolle-
1) Can I have your autograph?
2) My friend DeeDee, and I have a bet going, so are you gay?
3) Are there any more books in the making to look forward to?

Can you name one of your favorite chapters?
Well, I will definitely say the section on Ego is something to read into.

If this book was part of a series, would you read the next book?

Yes. It would be called "The Power of Later" and completely contradict the first book. Yeah, I know... I'm hilarious.

Was this a book you were asked to review or did you buy it?

I bought it... for sure.

Have you written a book yourself or are you planning to in the future?

I am in the process, for sure ;)

What genre is your favorite and why?

Horror, closely followed by suspense.

If you were shipwrecked on a desert island what 3 books would you want with you?

1. The Power of Now- Eckhart Tolle
2. The Best of Garfield
3. Oh the Places You'll Go- Dr. Suess.

Is there an Author that you would really like to meet?

Dr. Suess...

Do you prefer ebooks, paperbacks or hardcover?

Hard covers...

Where do you prefer to buy your books?

Well, I usually choose a bookstore.

Have you ever read a book more than once?

Yes... The Harry Potter series.

Is there a particular movie or TV series that you preferred over the book version?

The Secret Life of Bees... it's the ONLY... ever

What book are you currently reading and in what format (ebook/paperback/hardcover)?
None, actually. I picked up a book out of the free book bin yesterday, but it was stupid.
What book are you about to start reading?
I have been told a few times now to pick up 50 Shades of Grey...

What book do you know that you will never read?

Probably 50 Shades of Grey.

Are there any new Authors that have grasped your interest recently and why?

Well, not recently... But I Love Terry Prachett.

Have you read a book that you would like to rewrite the ending of?

Yes. Yes I have. Twilight, for one... Vampires should not have babies... and if she was still fertile... she had a period... poor Edward. You think your girlfriend on her period is bad... try being a fucking vampire.

What are your thoughts on book trailers?

Never seen one. Guess that's my thoughts...

Do you ever blog in your PJ’s?

Every time I blog. Yes, including now.

Sleep in or get up early?
Early bird, all the way....

Pet peeves? 
Speech impediments.... and inarticulate people.... and people who CHOOSE a low IQ....
What did Santa bring you?
Your mom.
If you could plan the perfect holiday, what would it be?
Probably being with the 5 people in the world I actually like. Away from other people. Enjoying intelligence... and laughter....
How often do you blog?
Well, I used to blog 2 times a day... but lately, about 4 times a week.
How many books do you read in a month - roughly?
Maybe... 2...?

Favorite color?

I don't have one... I prefer each of them in different scenarios... (and clear)

What are 5 items you never leave home without.

1. Cell phone
2. Keys
3. ID
4. Mascara

5. Orange Soda... don't hate.

What is your most favorite electronic gadget?
tamagotchi. Mine's been alive for 14 years... yeah, it's kind of like my cat though... 9 lives... or 768.

Favorite book character or film character crush.  Yes you can pick 2 :)
Book.... George Weasly... but then the movie made me not like him anymore.

Movie... if Will Smith was in it... I want his character.

Cats or dogs?
Easy... if you lick your balls, then slobber on my face... we are not friends.

White wine or red?

Red. Unless it's a late German white wine...

Coffee or tea?
Tea. Chai, hot, sweet with vanilla creamer.

Favorite food?

Macaroni... is that pathetic? Everywhere I go... I order it... and SHRIMP!

Vanilla or chocolate ice cream?

Vanilla. Hands down...

What is a movie or TV show that you watched recently and really enjoyed?
I have a strange addiction... and you can't hate me for it... but boy, I can't miss an episode of Dance Moms.
What scares you?

Idiots.

Where can we STALK you?

Yes. Please do... but be open about it and hit the Follow button!

Questions I get tired of answering part 3

General questions. I feel sassy today :)


Q: Why are all of your friends twice your age?A: Because people your age annoy me.
Q: What in the world made you want to live in Knoxville?A: Definitely not you and your mad interrogation skills.
Q: Why aren't you in college? You really should go back...A: I'm sure you never made any mistakes. Thanks for your unsolicited advice and judgement.
Q: Why do you work at hooters?A: Why do you sit in a lifeless cubicle all day?
Q: Aren't you gonna regret the suggestive photos of you?A: Aren't you gonna regret focusing on everybody elses issues and letting your own life pass you by...
Q: Does your tattoo glow in the dark....?A: That makes sense, because your BLACK tattoo glows in the dark, so all colors must...
Q: Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your personal savior...?
A: Ummm... I'm not even answering this. 

Alice

So, by far, the hardest funeral I have ever attended was this evening. Mamaw Alice, as we called her, passed away pretty unexpectedly.
I can't go into all that Alice meant to me, because I am still overly emotional. But let me wrap it as tightly as possible: Alice paid for me to have a yearbook my senior year of high school, took care of all of my prom expenses (except my dress)... and paid for my cap and gown for graduation. She opened her home to me when I was living out of my car... she invited me to spend holidays with her family, blessed us with her amazing daughter, Christy, which I know I have blogged about, and held me while I cried so many times. Now, when I could use her loving arms the most, she is not here to hold me... What made everything harder was seeing Christy. Everytime I saw her heart breaking, mine fell a little more apart. Everytime she squeezed my hand, I wanted to take the pain away. I love them. I hope she knows it.

Back to kickstart Amy.

I am making banners right now for Facebook's timeline covers. They all have Amy's most magnificent quotes. Here are the first three. If you use them, I don't mind if you skip my credit, but please keep the Kickstart website on them.

Click the image you would like to use as your timeline cover, right click and save. Then on Facebook, hover over your cover photo. In the bottom right corner, select upload. Ta-da! You are now supporting an independent artist with a positive message,

Questions I get tired of answering: Part 2

These are questions I get tired of hearing and answering about y white tattoos.

1. What is that?
   It's a white ink tattoo.
   
2. Did it hurt?
   No, it was painted on by baby fairies with magical dandelions.
   
3. So, is it like a brand?
   No.... white. ink. tattoo.
   
4. Does it glow in the dark?
   No.... white. ink. tattoo.
   
5. Is it more painful than a regular tattoo?
   Is blue ink more painful than red ink? No. just white... ink... tattoo.
   
6. So, does it become super bright when you tan?
   This is one actual question I don't get irritated with lack of thinking. Darker skin has higher melanin levels in the higher levels of the skin which will cover up any ink on the 4th layer of the skin.
   
7. Why a jellyfish?
   Jellyfish is sentimental to me. I love the fact that they go with the flow, make the most of where they land, and always have faith the group won't leave them.
   
8. What does it say?
   Well, since you clearly can't read cursive writing, it says "There is always a spark that the dark can't deny" and "I will be exactly who I'm called to be today."
   
9. Why did you choose white ink? You can't even see it...
   Are you looking at it right now? Then you can see it... and maybe it's because I am not an attention whore... and I just want my tats to be my personal story... and to feel like part of my body... not the world's....

Questions I get tired of answering.

I have a fairly interesting life. I live it because I enjoy the aspects of it... not because I want to explain it to everyone I come in contact with. Here we go:

In regards to working at Hooters:

I LOVE my job. I am in internationally recognized orange shorts, and it's a job where we are paid to be having fun.

I do have to answer the same questions over and over.

1.  Do your parents approve?
   Well, I must have missed the memo that I was living a life for my parents.... but yes, they are happy for me.
   
2. Do you get hit on a lot?
   Oh no... I just walk around looking super hot in skimpy clothes at a restaurant where half my customers are single men. OF COURSE I get hit on... but after a year of the same pick up lines, you quit noticing.
   
3. Is that your real name?
   Yes. I'm not a stripper. There is nothing WRONG with being a stripper, but the precautionary fake name is a little more of a safety issue for an exotic dancer than a waitress in a restaurant where kids eat free.
   
4. Are you wearing panty hose? Do you have to where them?
   Panty hose? No, my legs are just naturally shiny orange color that doesn't match the rest of my body. All hooters girls do... we love our unnatural leg color.
   
5. Do you work at Hooters? I noticed the socks and shoes...
   No, I sweep the bowling alley... You must be a Doctor because I noticed your McDonalds visor and polo.
   
   
   
   

Stay tuned for questions I hate answering about my white tattoo, my pet deer, and my family's religious views...

Blast from the Past.

Now, do any of you remember my high school drama days? When I was president of Drama club? Well, years later, I am now helping coach my old team. Thursdays, I am going in and working one on one and with the group to help the kids prepare for competition. It's AMAZING! Today I got to read my favorite poem to them for Poetry 101, and then we discussed Prose and Humorous Interpretation. Each student is encouraged to find the category they love to compete in... and I have realized... for every one of those kids that wants to get better, I'm willing to hep them do it. Amazing how their motivation motivates me.

Kickstart Amy!

I know I have not posted in a LONG LONG TIME!
I am posting today, 1, to update my followers, and 2, to talk about something I love.

Well, I moved to the beach for a year, and now I am back in Tennessee.

And now the thing to talk about:
Any of my followers who were active in reading my blog back when I was a teenager, know that I was very depressed, maybe even suicidal for a while. Then I shifted, and overcame so much. If you were a follower then, you probably remember the amount of thanks I would shout out to Amy Steinberg for keeping me sane. Through her music, I healed. The only way I could express my emotions over the years seemed to be through her similar experiences.

I feel like if you start at the beginning, and listen to all of her albums in order, it's a story, a beautiful story of Amy... and her transformation, and her sadness, and her evolution into the amazing spiritual leader she has become.
Well, now Amy is working on a new CD. It's called "Surrender to the Incline"

 She is using an amazing site called Kickstarter. It's all or nothing. The goal is to fund the album. Her goal is $11,111. Today is day one, and she already is 6% there. If she makes it to at least 100%, she gets the funding, but if not, she walks out empty handed. Now, here is the cool benefit for you. If you pledge a certain amount of money, you get different rewards listed on the site. I pledged 25 bucks, which is what I would have paid to buy and ship my CD anyway, and it guarantees me not only GETTING the CD, but it being signed. So, basically, I just pre-ordered my CD.

 It will be her 10th album that I have physically held. I am OVERWHELMED with excitement.
I became a fan of Amy about 10 years ago, and I would reccomend adding her to your collection any day. I am SO excited to see this album come out, and put possitive vibrations into our world. To see people uplifted, and healed through her words like I was.
Amy is an amazing singer/songwriter/performer/person. If you haven't already heard her music on my page, or on my website, feel free to youtube her, check out her samples on iTunes, Amazon, or CD Baby, or visit her site, www.amysteinberg.net
Then head on over to www.kickstartamy.com and help out, not only helping Amy live her dream, but helping the world by releasing more positive energy through music. =)

In 2004, I had the chance to finally meet Amy, after being a fan. Since then, she has become somebody who I not only love as a performer, but as a person. I never miss an opportunity to see her, and be uplifted through her music. This picture was taken in 2010 at one of the shows I went to. SHE IS AMAZING!

Our song.

So, as some of you know, back in June, a went through a miscarriage. It was very difficult... but the father of my baby decided he was going to walk out before I lost the baby.
If I would have remained pregnant, and he came around, I would be able to forgive him... but now... if he ever did come back and apologize, now it would be so hard to forgive him completely.
It really breaks my heart... not just that I lost the baby, but also the person I felt was the love of my life.
Now, I am sitting here... listening to our song... For the First Time... by The Script.

It really is our story. We split almost 3 years ago, if you guys remember. His name was Casey... and I was madly in love.
Then, we broke up, and we had other dating and relationships... but we ended up back together.

The song's chorus says it all
"We're gonna start by drinkin on cheap bottles of wine...
Sit, talking up all night

doing things we haven't for a while
we smile but we're close to tears

and even after all these years
we just now got the feeling that we're meeting...
for the first time"

We did start with cheap wine and small talk that lead to long conversations...
I miss him. Weird. I never thought I'd feel this way.

Soooo...

I have not had too much time lately to stop and post anything here. Everything I have done has been a little more focused on work and marketing...
http://dollfacephotographs.blogspot.com
Has some recent stuff... and twitter and facebook do too... I can't say how often I will post here anymore... but I want to try and post when I think about it again!

Last event in my life I made you aware of was the exciting trip to ATL thing.
Well, We DID go in January... 2nd-3rd...
even though we only planned on being there... 2nd.
We went down... and it was a PERFECT day in the winter... mid 50s.
We were headed down for a church service in Atlanta, and we were coming home that evening. All good things...
So, everything was going SO well, and we made great time.
As we came off the Chastain exit on I-75, we knew we were within 10 minutes of HEAVEN (my perception of it) We stopped what was 1.4 miles from the church according to the GPS... ran inside to fix hair... put gas in the car... all those things.
When we returned to the vehicle... it wouldn't start.
So we waited around for a tow truck for HOURS... ended up being that the tow truck driver did not know the area and got lost on the way to find us.
Joys.
But it was FUN. The trip at least.

Back again!!!

Well, I know I have said it many times before, but... it's been a long time since I posted last, and I am going to try and post regularly again. One month a long time ago, I had 70 posts in a single month. Now, I average like... 1.5 a month.... I'd say that's a sad difference. So, I'll post about current stuff, and try to fill in blanks about whatever I can remember to. =)

Building Ideas

The company I work for is on Facebook now. I'm setting the page up. Check it! haha.

Super Model?

I've recently got my foot in the door as a kick-off to modeling...
Hello VIP lists, photo shoots, and being ambushed by photographers all day... haha. These past couple weeks have been INSANE!

Here.

I'm sitting at Angelique's right now, thinking of this week's events.
She and I decided to take a mini-vacation to Atlanta this winter. Life is SO good. I am looking into writing another service for church. I have presented a few lessons in my life here, but I really have a desire to present lessons from my own personal journal I call "Playing Peek-a-boo with God." I think I could make a full 4 lessons out of it and possibly do a lesson series.
Right now I'm just sharing somme random thoughts as I wait to hear from Angelique. Hopefully she will pull in the driveway or call soon. <3

Calling my name

Ever had a strange thing happen, and make it apparent that your bound to do something...?
Recognized destiny before it happened?

Well... I've been to Atlanta a few times... but I mean... I couldn't tell you left and right in Atlanta. I have JUST grown to know Knoxville, and I am SO attached to things that are here... and the people have CHANGED my life... between Christi, Kristi, Angelique, Jeanne, and MANY others I haven't mentioned in the blogs... I feel like I could never let all of them go... But I'll tell you... when I left Knoxville for Atlanta this past weekend, I felt like I was going home... and when I left Atlanta, I wanted to cry...

But I have been to a church in Atlanta with my church group... and I have had a dream every night this week that I pull up to the church, open my back car door, and pull out a little girl who is clearly mine. She has little dark curls, and must be 2 or 3.
I pull her out, and she doesn't want to put her shoes on. I explain the pavement is hot. She won't budge.
Kristi texts me in the middle of all of this, and asks if she and the kids would be welcome in my spare bedroom next weekend... I don't reply right away... and give my little girl a piggy back ride when she insists on keeping the shoes off. I drop her off in the nursery room, and climb back up the stairs to sit in the sanctuary, where I see plenty of familiar faces.

I told my best friend about it, and she said "well, whats in atlanta for you" to which I replied "I don't know, but it's calling my name."

Lexie Nay

My little Angel, Lexie... (Kristi's lil one) is having dental surgery tomorrow, and the poor baby girl is worried SICK.
She sat for nearly an hour today on my lap laying her head on my shoulder... silently.
Now... that is kind of like George W. Bush and Bill Clinton going out for a drink... It just doesn't happen.

I love that girl and I'm just hoping she will be relaxed tomorrow. <3 sweet angel.

=( wow

I have spent so much money on my damn car keeping it fixed. I have been stressing how we are ever going to get out of the situation we are in.
I was without a car for 6 days while the mechanic had it... then I drive it 20 miles, and boom, it's dead again!
WTF?
So, I have no way to get to work, right?
That's cool, whatever, you know?
So then, I wake up this morning, stand up, and my whole leg falls out from under me... I have no balance, and my ankle is in severe pain.
I missed church this morning, and I am laying in angeliques bed with my leg propped up and ice wrapped around my foot.
=( I'm in pain and I just God to work a miracle on me... that's all.
OK. Venting is over.
Let's move on and do something productive.

Angelique

I am about to leave Angelique's house.


I love her SO much. She is an outstanding person. Not only is she absolutely GORGEOUS, but she is one of the most caring and compassionate people I have EVER had the pleasure of knowing. Her heart is as big as the universe, and there are infinite numbers of things to love about her.

I have somebody, now, that I can really talk to on a level slightly out of my comfort zone... and be comfortable... something I've not had on such a level... ever.

The Wasp

I am sitting here, watching a wasp fly over and over at the window, in hopes each time that the outside, which he longs for, will be his in each attempt.
The window, of course does not move.
He displays such determination, never seeming defeated.
This has gone on for hours. He sits on the window, and I know, watching, that if he would allow himself for just a moment to lose sight of what it is he is longing for, and fly another direction, he would find the door, and it would be all his, yet he is SO determined to fly straight into what he wants, he will not consider an alternate route.
I think there is something metaphysical for me to learn in this. I am going to catch him in a container and set him free now. Please share thoughts on this.

Music

I wrote a new song!
The lyrics start out "If I could fall in love again, I'd probably lock myself away. Because at least the could, lifeless tower, would always keep me safe."

Hey Hey, this is stupid. haha

Hey guys.
So, this past Wednesday, my uncle, Ronnie, passed away... hummm diddly doo.
So, I have this wonderful photography business, Dollface Photos, www.dollfacephotos.tk, and I am so thrilled. My business cards came in, and I've got some FANTASTIC photos this past week. =)
I'll upload some of them later.

Cry myself into a sea

Wow. It's been one year today since Kerry and Carmen both died. Oh the anger! I still am so sad to think they both were preventable.
When I got the call for Carmen, I had already been in break-down mode over the news about Kerry.
I kind of feel like that emotion is real again. It hurts so bad, too. I just want this to be a dream sometimes when these things happen. =(

Angelique (Free Yourself)

Uhhm.

Webcam

I am trying to also install my webcam so that I can sing a song to you guys that i wrote last week for a very dear friend of mine... =) WOO! I have a whole book full of songs I've written, but it's the first worth singing... =)

Stay tuned for that!
I hopefully will have that up within the next week. I need to find the ukulele to accompany myself with. =)

Sami McAllister Photography

Well, Flickr pissed me off with a '200 photo max'
So, I dropped the 365 project... Left the pictures up there that I already have...
and NOW, I have my own photo business right from home.
www.dollfacephotos.tk
Yep... My loyal readers should look, and anyone passing through should check it out. I'm so happy....
by the way... this is post number 301 for me... =) WOOHOO! I've been going strong for over a year... =)

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These two ladies.
Angelique, the blonde, and Brittany, the brunette, are life savers. Angelique is probably one of the most grounded, reasonable, and sweet people I have ever met. She is good at whatever she does, and she has a way of making people feel loved and deserving.
Brittany, on the other hand, is the sister my mom forgot about. She is so much like me, and we have had so many great memories. I got the chance to spend the last 2 weeks with her... and then she had to fly back home...
I always am missing her.

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