So, by far, the hardest funeral I have ever attended was this evening. Mamaw Alice, as we called her, passed away pretty unexpectedly.
I can't go into all that Alice meant to me, because I am still overly emotional. But let me wrap it as tightly as possible: Alice paid for me to have a yearbook my senior year of high school, took care of all of my prom expenses (except my dress)... and paid for my cap and gown for graduation. She opened her home to me when I was living out of my car... she invited me to spend holidays with her family, blessed us with her amazing daughter, Christy, which I know I have blogged about, and held me while I cried so many times. Now, when I could use her loving arms the most, she is not here to hold me... What made everything harder was seeing Christy. Everytime I saw her heart breaking, mine fell a little more apart. Everytime she squeezed my hand, I wanted to take the pain away. I love them. I hope she knows it.
9.26.2012
9.20.2012
Back to kickstart Amy.
I am making banners right now for Facebook's timeline covers. They all have Amy's most magnificent quotes. Here are the first three. If you use them, I don't mind if you skip my credit, but please keep the Kickstart website on them.
Click the image you would like to use as your timeline cover, right click and save. Then on Facebook, hover over your cover photo. In the bottom right corner, select upload. Ta-da! You are now supporting an independent artist with a positive message,
9.19.2012
Questions I get tired of answering: Part 2
These are questions I get tired of hearing and answering about y white tattoos.
- What is that?
It's a white ink tattoo. - Did it hurt?
No, it was painted on by baby fairies with magical dandelions. - So, is it like a brand?
No.... white. ink. tattoo. - Does it glow in the dark?
No.... white. ink. tattoo. - Is it more painful than a regular tattoo?
Is blue ink more painful than red ink? No. just white... ink... tattoo. - So, does it become super bright when you tan?
This is one actual question I don't get irritated with lack of thinking. Darker skin has higher melanin levels in the higher levels of the skin which will cover up any ink on the 4th layer of the skin. - Why a jellyfish?
Jellyfish is sentimental to me. I love the fact that they go with the flow, make the most of where they land, and always have faith the group won't leave them. - What does it say?
Well, since you clearly can't read cursive writing, it says "There is always a spark that the dark can't deny" and "I will be exactly who I'm called to be today." - Why did you choose white ink? You can't even see it...
Are you looking at it right now? Then you can see it... and maybe it's because I am not an attention whore... and I just want my tats to be my personal story... and to feel like part of my body... not the world's....
9.18.2012
Questions I get tired of answering.
I have a fairly interesting life. I live it because I enjoy the aspects of it... not because I want to explain it to everyone I come in contact with. Here we go:
In regards to working at Hooters:
I LOVE my job. I am in internationally recognized orange shorts, and it's a job where we are paid to be having fun.
I do have to answer the same questions over and over.
- Do your parents approve?
Well, I must have missed the memo that I was living a life for my parents.... but yes, they are happy for me. - Do you get hit on a lot?
Oh no... I just walk around looking super hot in skimpy clothes at a restaurant where half my customers are single men. OF COURSE I get hit on... but after a year of the same pick up lines, you quit noticing. - Is that your real name?
Yes. I'm not a stripper. There is nothing WRONG with being a stripper, but the precautionary fake name is a little more of a safety issue for an exotic dancer than a waitress in a restaurant where kids eat free. - Are you wearing panty hose? Do you have to where them?
Panty hose? No, my legs are just naturally shiny orange color that doesn't match the rest of my body. All hooters girls do... we love our unnatural leg color. - Do you work at Hooters? I noticed the socks and shoes...
No, I sweep the bowling alley... You must be a Doctor because I noticed your McDonalds visor and polo.
9.13.2012
Blast from the Past.
Now, do any of you remember my high school drama days? When I was president of Drama club? Well, years later, I am now helping coach my old team. Thursdays, I am going in and working one on one and with the group to help the kids prepare for competition. It's AMAZING!
Today I got to read my favorite poem to them for Poetry 101, and then we discussed Prose and Humorous Interpretation. Each student is encouraged to find the category they love to compete in... and I have realized... for every one of those kids that wants to get better, I'm willing to hep them do it. Amazing how their motivation motivates me.
9.12.2012
Kickstart Amy!
I know I have not posted in a LONG LONG TIME!
I am posting today, 1, to update my followers, and 2, to talk about something I love.
Well, I moved to the beach for a year, and now I am back in Tennessee.
And now the thing to talk about:
Any of my followers who were active in reading my blog back when I was a teenager, know that I was very depressed, maybe even suicidal for a while. Then I shifted, and overcame so much. If you were a follower then, you probably remember the amount of thanks I would shout out to Amy Steinberg for keeping me sane. Through her music, I healed. The only way I could express my emotions over the years seemed to be through her similar experiences.
I feel like if you start at the beginning, and listen to all of her albums in order, it's a story, a beautiful story of Amy... and her transformation, and her sadness, and her evolution into the amazing spiritual leader she has become.
Well, now Amy is working on a new CD. It's called "Surrender to the Incline"
She is using an amazing site called Kickstarter. It's all or nothing. The goal is to fund the album. Her goal is $11,111. Today is day one, and she already is 6% there. If she makes it to at least 100%, she gets the funding, but if not, she walks out empty handed. Now, here is the cool benefit for you. If you pledge a certain amount of money, you get different rewards listed on the site. I pledged 25 bucks, which is what I would have paid to buy and ship my CD anyway, and it guarantees me not only GETTING the CD, but it being signed. So, basically, I just pre-ordered my CD.
It will be her 10th album that I have physically held. I am OVERWHELMED with excitement.
I became a fan of Amy about 10 years ago, and I would reccomend adding her to your collection any day. I am SO excited to see this album come out, and put possitive vibrations into our world. To see people uplifted, and healed through her words like I was.
Amy is an amazing singer/songwriter/performer/person. If you haven't already heard her music on my page, or on my website, feel free to youtube her, check out her samples on iTunes, Amazon, or CD Baby, or visit her site, www.amysteinberg.net
Then head on over to www.kickstartamy.com and help out, not only helping Amy live her dream, but helping the world by releasing more positive energy through music. =)
In 2004, I had the chance to finally meet Amy, after being a fan. Since then, she has become somebody who I not only love as a performer, but as a person. I never miss an opportunity to see her, and be uplifted through her music. This picture was taken in 2010 at one of the shows I went to. SHE IS AMAZING!
I am posting today, 1, to update my followers, and 2, to talk about something I love.
Well, I moved to the beach for a year, and now I am back in Tennessee.
And now the thing to talk about:
Any of my followers who were active in reading my blog back when I was a teenager, know that I was very depressed, maybe even suicidal for a while. Then I shifted, and overcame so much. If you were a follower then, you probably remember the amount of thanks I would shout out to Amy Steinberg for keeping me sane. Through her music, I healed. The only way I could express my emotions over the years seemed to be through her similar experiences.
I feel like if you start at the beginning, and listen to all of her albums in order, it's a story, a beautiful story of Amy... and her transformation, and her sadness, and her evolution into the amazing spiritual leader she has become.
Well, now Amy is working on a new CD. It's called "Surrender to the Incline"
She is using an amazing site called Kickstarter. It's all or nothing. The goal is to fund the album. Her goal is $11,111. Today is day one, and she already is 6% there. If she makes it to at least 100%, she gets the funding, but if not, she walks out empty handed. Now, here is the cool benefit for you. If you pledge a certain amount of money, you get different rewards listed on the site. I pledged 25 bucks, which is what I would have paid to buy and ship my CD anyway, and it guarantees me not only GETTING the CD, but it being signed. So, basically, I just pre-ordered my CD.
It will be her 10th album that I have physically held. I am OVERWHELMED with excitement.
I became a fan of Amy about 10 years ago, and I would reccomend adding her to your collection any day. I am SO excited to see this album come out, and put possitive vibrations into our world. To see people uplifted, and healed through her words like I was.
Amy is an amazing singer/songwriter/performer/person. If you haven't already heard her music on my page, or on my website, feel free to youtube her, check out her samples on iTunes, Amazon, or CD Baby, or visit her site, www.amysteinberg.net
Then head on over to www.kickstartamy.com and help out, not only helping Amy live her dream, but helping the world by releasing more positive energy through music. =)
11.03.2011
Our song.
So, as some of you know, back in June, a went through a miscarriage. It was very difficult... but the father of my baby decided he was going to walk out before I lost the baby.
If I would have remained pregnant, and he came around, I would be able to forgive him... but now... if he ever did come back and apologize, now it would be so hard to forgive him completely.
It really breaks my heart... not just that I lost the baby, but also the person I felt was the love of my life.
Now, I am sitting here... listening to our song... For the First Time... by The Script.
It really is our story. We split almost 3 years ago, if you guys remember. His name was Casey... and I was madly in love.
Then, we broke up, and we had other dating and relationships... but we ended up back together.
The song's chorus says it all
"We're gonna start by drinkin on cheap bottles of wine...
Sit, talking up all night
If I would have remained pregnant, and he came around, I would be able to forgive him... but now... if he ever did come back and apologize, now it would be so hard to forgive him completely.
It really breaks my heart... not just that I lost the baby, but also the person I felt was the love of my life.
Now, I am sitting here... listening to our song... For the First Time... by The Script.
It really is our story. We split almost 3 years ago, if you guys remember. His name was Casey... and I was madly in love.
Then, we broke up, and we had other dating and relationships... but we ended up back together.
The song's chorus says it all
"We're gonna start by drinkin on cheap bottles of wine...
Sit, talking up all night
doing things we haven't for a while
we smile but we're close to tears
we smile but we're close to tears
and even after all these years
we just now got the feeling that we're meeting...
for the first time"
We did start with cheap wine and small talk that lead to long conversations...
I miss him. Weird. I never thought I'd feel this way.
we just now got the feeling that we're meeting...
for the first time"
We did start with cheap wine and small talk that lead to long conversations...
I miss him. Weird. I never thought I'd feel this way.
9.22.2011
Soooo...
I have not had too much time lately to stop and post anything here. Everything I have done has been a little more focused on work and marketing...
http://dollfacephotographs.blogspot.com
Has some recent stuff... and twitter and facebook do too... I can't say how often I will post here anymore... but I want to try and post when I think about it again!
http://dollfacephotographs.blogspot.com
Has some recent stuff... and twitter and facebook do too... I can't say how often I will post here anymore... but I want to try and post when I think about it again!
3.06.2011
Last event in my life I made you aware of was the exciting trip to ATL thing.
Well, We DID go in January... 2nd-3rd...
even though we only planned on being there... 2nd.
We went down... and it was a PERFECT day in the winter... mid 50s.
We were headed down for a church service in Atlanta, and we were coming home that evening. All good things...
So, everything was going SO well, and we made great time.
As we came off the Chastain exit on I-75, we knew we were within 10 minutes of HEAVEN (my perception of it) We stopped what was 1.4 miles from the church according to the GPS... ran inside to fix hair... put gas in the car... all those things.
When we returned to the vehicle... it wouldn't start.
So we waited around for a tow truck for HOURS... ended up being that the tow truck driver did not know the area and got lost on the way to find us.
Joys.
But it was FUN. The trip at least.
Well, We DID go in January... 2nd-3rd...
even though we only planned on being there... 2nd.
We went down... and it was a PERFECT day in the winter... mid 50s.
We were headed down for a church service in Atlanta, and we were coming home that evening. All good things...
So, everything was going SO well, and we made great time.
As we came off the Chastain exit on I-75, we knew we were within 10 minutes of HEAVEN (my perception of it) We stopped what was 1.4 miles from the church according to the GPS... ran inside to fix hair... put gas in the car... all those things.
When we returned to the vehicle... it wouldn't start.
So we waited around for a tow truck for HOURS... ended up being that the tow truck driver did not know the area and got lost on the way to find us.
Joys.
But it was FUN. The trip at least.
2.25.2011
Back again!!!
Well, I know I have said it many times before, but... it's been a long time since I posted last, and I am going to try and post regularly again. One month a long time ago, I had 70 posts in a single month. Now, I average like... 1.5 a month.... I'd say that's a sad difference. So, I'll post about current stuff, and try to fill in blanks about whatever I can remember to. =)
1.19.2011
12.15.2010
Super Model?
I've recently got my foot in the door as a kick-off to modeling...
Hello VIP lists, photo shoots, and being ambushed by photographers all day... haha. These past couple weeks have been INSANE!
11.27.2010
Here.
I'm sitting at Angelique's right now, thinking of this week's events.
She and I decided to take a mini-vacation to Atlanta this winter. Life is SO good. I am looking into writing another service for church. I have presented a few lessons in my life here, but I really have a desire to present lessons from my own personal journal I call "Playing Peek-a-boo with God." I think I could make a full 4 lessons out of it and possibly do a lesson series.
Right now I'm just sharing somme random thoughts as I wait to hear from Angelique. Hopefully she will pull in the driveway or call soon. <3
She and I decided to take a mini-vacation to Atlanta this winter. Life is SO good. I am looking into writing another service for church. I have presented a few lessons in my life here, but I really have a desire to present lessons from my own personal journal I call "Playing Peek-a-boo with God." I think I could make a full 4 lessons out of it and possibly do a lesson series.
Right now I'm just sharing somme random thoughts as I wait to hear from Angelique. Hopefully she will pull in the driveway or call soon. <3
11.18.2010
Calling my name
Ever had a strange thing happen, and make it apparent that your bound to do something...?
Recognized destiny before it happened?
Well... I've been to Atlanta a few times... but I mean... I couldn't tell you left and right in Atlanta. I have JUST grown to know Knoxville, and I am SO attached to things that are here... and the people have CHANGED my life... between Christi, Kristi, Angelique, Jeanne, and MANY others I haven't mentioned in the blogs... I feel like I could never let all of them go... But I'll tell you... when I left Knoxville for Atlanta this past weekend, I felt like I was going home... and when I left Atlanta, I wanted to cry...
But I have been to a church in Atlanta with my church group... and I have had a dream every night this week that I pull up to the church, open my back car door, and pull out a little girl who is clearly mine. She has little dark curls, and must be 2 or 3.
I pull her out, and she doesn't want to put her shoes on. I explain the pavement is hot. She won't budge.
Kristi texts me in the middle of all of this, and asks if she and the kids would be welcome in my spare bedroom next weekend... I don't reply right away... and give my little girl a piggy back ride when she insists on keeping the shoes off. I drop her off in the nursery room, and climb back up the stairs to sit in the sanctuary, where I see plenty of familiar faces.
I told my best friend about it, and she said "well, whats in atlanta for you" to which I replied "I don't know, but it's calling my name."
Recognized destiny before it happened?
Well... I've been to Atlanta a few times... but I mean... I couldn't tell you left and right in Atlanta. I have JUST grown to know Knoxville, and I am SO attached to things that are here... and the people have CHANGED my life... between Christi, Kristi, Angelique, Jeanne, and MANY others I haven't mentioned in the blogs... I feel like I could never let all of them go... But I'll tell you... when I left Knoxville for Atlanta this past weekend, I felt like I was going home... and when I left Atlanta, I wanted to cry...
But I have been to a church in Atlanta with my church group... and I have had a dream every night this week that I pull up to the church, open my back car door, and pull out a little girl who is clearly mine. She has little dark curls, and must be 2 or 3.
I pull her out, and she doesn't want to put her shoes on. I explain the pavement is hot. She won't budge.
Kristi texts me in the middle of all of this, and asks if she and the kids would be welcome in my spare bedroom next weekend... I don't reply right away... and give my little girl a piggy back ride when she insists on keeping the shoes off. I drop her off in the nursery room, and climb back up the stairs to sit in the sanctuary, where I see plenty of familiar faces.
I told my best friend about it, and she said "well, whats in atlanta for you" to which I replied "I don't know, but it's calling my name."
10.26.2010
Lexie Nay
My little Angel, Lexie... (Kristi's lil one) is having dental surgery tomorrow, and the poor baby girl is worried SICK.
She sat for nearly an hour today on my lap laying her head on my shoulder... silently.
Now... that is kind of like George W. Bush and Bill Clinton going out for a drink... It just doesn't happen.
I love that girl and I'm just hoping she will be relaxed tomorrow. <3 sweet angel.
She sat for nearly an hour today on my lap laying her head on my shoulder... silently.
Now... that is kind of like George W. Bush and Bill Clinton going out for a drink... It just doesn't happen.
I love that girl and I'm just hoping she will be relaxed tomorrow. <3 sweet angel.
10.24.2010
=( wow
I have spent so much money on my damn car keeping it fixed. I have been stressing how we are ever going to get out of the situation we are in.
I was without a car for 6 days while the mechanic had it... then I drive it 20 miles, and boom, it's dead again!
WTF?
So, I have no way to get to work, right?
That's cool, whatever, you know?
So then, I wake up this morning, stand up, and my whole leg falls out from under me... I have no balance, and my ankle is in severe pain.
I missed church this morning, and I am laying in angeliques bed with my leg propped up and ice wrapped around my foot.
=( I'm in pain and I just God to work a miracle on me... that's all.
OK. Venting is over.
Let's move on and do something productive.
I was without a car for 6 days while the mechanic had it... then I drive it 20 miles, and boom, it's dead again!
WTF?
So, I have no way to get to work, right?
That's cool, whatever, you know?
So then, I wake up this morning, stand up, and my whole leg falls out from under me... I have no balance, and my ankle is in severe pain.
I missed church this morning, and I am laying in angeliques bed with my leg propped up and ice wrapped around my foot.
=( I'm in pain and I just God to work a miracle on me... that's all.
OK. Venting is over.
Let's move on and do something productive.
10.03.2010
Angelique
I am about to leave Angelique's house.
I love her SO much. She is an outstanding person. Not only is she absolutely GORGEOUS, but she is one of the most caring and compassionate people I have EVER had the pleasure of knowing. Her heart is as big as the universe, and there are infinite numbers of things to love about her.
I have somebody, now, that I can really talk to on a level slightly out of my comfort zone... and be comfortable... something I've not had on such a level... ever.
I love her SO much. She is an outstanding person. Not only is she absolutely GORGEOUS, but she is one of the most caring and compassionate people I have EVER had the pleasure of knowing. Her heart is as big as the universe, and there are infinite numbers of things to love about her.
I have somebody, now, that I can really talk to on a level slightly out of my comfort zone... and be comfortable... something I've not had on such a level... ever.
9.22.2010
The Wasp
I am sitting here, watching a wasp fly over and over at the window, in hopes each time that the outside, which he longs for, will be his in each attempt.
The window, of course does not move.
He displays such determination, never seeming defeated.
This has gone on for hours. He sits on the window, and I know, watching, that if he would allow himself for just a moment to lose sight of what it is he is longing for, and fly another direction, he would find the door, and it would be all his, yet he is SO determined to fly straight into what he wants, he will not consider an alternate route.
I think there is something metaphysical for me to learn in this. I am going to catch him in a container and set him free now. Please share thoughts on this.
The window, of course does not move.
He displays such determination, never seeming defeated.
This has gone on for hours. He sits on the window, and I know, watching, that if he would allow himself for just a moment to lose sight of what it is he is longing for, and fly another direction, he would find the door, and it would be all his, yet he is SO determined to fly straight into what he wants, he will not consider an alternate route.
I think there is something metaphysical for me to learn in this. I am going to catch him in a container and set him free now. Please share thoughts on this.
9.06.2010
Music
I wrote a new song!
The lyrics start out "If I could fall in love again, I'd probably lock myself away. Because at least the could, lifeless tower, would always keep me safe."
The lyrics start out "If I could fall in love again, I'd probably lock myself away. Because at least the could, lifeless tower, would always keep me safe."
8.29.2010
Hey Hey, this is stupid. haha
Hey guys.
So, this past Wednesday, my uncle, Ronnie, passed away... hummm diddly doo.
So, I have this wonderful photography business, Dollface Photos, www.dollfacephotos.tk, and I am so thrilled. My business cards came in, and I've got some FANTASTIC photos this past week. =)
I'll upload some of them later.
So, this past Wednesday, my uncle, Ronnie, passed away... hummm diddly doo.
So, I have this wonderful photography business, Dollface Photos, www.dollfacephotos.tk, and I am so thrilled. My business cards came in, and I've got some FANTASTIC photos this past week. =)
I'll upload some of them later.
8.24.2010
Cry myself into a sea
Wow. It's been one year today since Kerry and Carmen both died. Oh the anger! I still am so sad to think they both were preventable.
When I got the call for Carmen, I had already been in break-down mode over the news about Kerry.
I kind of feel like that emotion is real again. It hurts so bad, too. I just want this to be a dream sometimes when these things happen. =(
When I got the call for Carmen, I had already been in break-down mode over the news about Kerry.
I kind of feel like that emotion is real again. It hurts so bad, too. I just want this to be a dream sometimes when these things happen. =(
8.15.2010
8.14.2010
8.12.2010
Webcam
I am trying to also install my webcam so that I can sing a song to you guys that i wrote last week for a very dear friend of mine... =) WOO! I have a whole book full of songs I've written, but it's the first worth singing... =)
Stay tuned for that!
I hopefully will have that up within the next week. I need to find the ukulele to accompany myself with. =)
Stay tuned for that!
I hopefully will have that up within the next week. I need to find the ukulele to accompany myself with. =)
Sami McAllister Photography
Well, Flickr pissed me off with a '200 photo max'
So, I dropped the 365 project... Left the pictures up there that I already have...
and NOW, I have my own photo business right from home.
www.dollfacephotos.tk
Yep... My loyal readers should look, and anyone passing through should check it out. I'm so happy....
by the way... this is post number 301 for me... =) WOOHOO! I've been going strong for over a year... =)
So, I dropped the 365 project... Left the pictures up there that I already have...
and NOW, I have my own photo business right from home.
www.dollfacephotos.tk
Yep... My loyal readers should look, and anyone passing through should check it out. I'm so happy....
by the way... this is post number 301 for me... =) WOOHOO! I've been going strong for over a year... =)
8.09.2010
[17/365]
These two ladies.
Angelique, the blonde, and Brittany, the brunette, are life savers. Angelique is probably one of the most grounded, reasonable, and sweet people I have ever met. She is good at whatever she does, and she has a way of making people feel loved and deserving.
Brittany, on the other hand, is the sister my mom forgot about. She is so much like me, and we have had so many great memories. I got the chance to spend the last 2 weeks with her... and then she had to fly back home...
I always am missing her.
Angelique, the blonde, and Brittany, the brunette, are life savers. Angelique is probably one of the most grounded, reasonable, and sweet people I have ever met. She is good at whatever she does, and she has a way of making people feel loved and deserving.
Brittany, on the other hand, is the sister my mom forgot about. She is so much like me, and we have had so many great memories. I got the chance to spend the last 2 weeks with her... and then she had to fly back home...
I always am missing her.
7.29.2010
7.26.2010
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