So, Lets journey back to December 2007.
I was writing on this very blog... and I mentioned a lil fella who had my heart. I told you all he was the ONE....
Casey is his name... remember?
Some of you told me he was not the one... some of you said I was too young...
My grandmother looked that boy in the eye, and told me... He was the one.
Nevertheless, five months later, we parted ways... but then got back together, and split up again... I spent the next 4 and a half years trying to be mad at him, trying to get his face out of my head when I closed my eyes... and trying to not think of him when I smelled sage or basil... but I couldn't.
About 4 weeks ago, he decided to do something very sudden... and he messaged me... apologizing, telling me he had changed, and that his heart wouldn't let him quit loving me. And instantly, though I fought it... I melted into wanting him back again...
So what is this? Do some people really hold our heart in their hand? What if they hold our heart? Can we give our heart to more than one person?
So I got to thinking about it... and realized... though I have loved many people in the time of mine and Casey's relationship was out of site... did I ever give my heart to somebody else?
And then it hit me... I may have loved Kevin... I may have had my life all worked out with him... and not to mention, I was in love with how much he adored me...
I may have loved Ian, but once I realized that he didn't want to go further into a relationship than we had... which quite sincerely was based on like views, friendship, art, sex, and spirituality.... It wasn't worth fighting for... I wanted a future... but not bad enough to fight for it...
So why with Casey, could I not settle for "friends with benefits"? Why did I melt into his arms when I hugged him, and why was I fighting for somebody I had not seen in a year? Why did he get to waltz right back into my life, and sweep me off my feet when I wanted to be mad at him? I wanted to see him in pain... and I was never letting him have my heart again...
And it hit me... He had it all along.
I know him... he doesn't need to reassure me... or tell me he loves me... I already feel comfortable in his presence.
And I can't fight it.
Maybe one of the others I fell for will be the one, and maybe I will still be on the journey to meet him... but for now, in this moment... I am overwhelmed with a sense of knowing... that I am in love... and it is OK
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