♥ fail //

I fail. At most things. I never can finish what I start, and I never do what I say I will... I am a FAKE... I am not really who I appear to be. I DON'T tell the whole truth... and my boyfriend is one of 4 people I do not lie to. I feel like I am awful. I do not smile real smiles. I have only selfish wishes. I do not succeed, and then I just give up. I have no determination. I am not.

♥ pictures //

This post is SOLELY for the pictures I took at Y.O.U. Spring Rally. It was a life-changing event. PLEASE post opinions. =)

♥ music //

Did you know I love it? So I found a harmonica and started messing with it today... I loved it... Usually i don't find the sound appealing. BUT today, it was... I vented through it as if every note were a syllable in what I were saying, and I poured my heart out, silent but NOT silent... it was amazing
I also realized only 3 days until I see AMY!!! I am thrilled. Her music is uplifting to the MAX... and I am so psyched. I am trying to get back into the blogging grove... I will post pics from my spring rally tonight!

♥ clothes //

Clothes
They started as a way to PROTECT our bodies from outside harm...
I can understand that

THEN... hey, they are on us... WHY NOT decorate them?
I can understand that

Hey... Lets organize trade... I am a good artist... I will make your family clothes, if you supply bread for my family.
I can understand that.

Oh... I shall start a business... people LIKE the clothes I make, and I want to make money doing something that I like.
I can understand that.

Oh... lets make people feel self conscious... make them think they NEED clothes to cover there bodies... and there babies bodies... make them feel it is disgraceful to show the beautiful body god gave us... SO THEY will buy my clothes...
I can NOT understand that.

♥ pissed //

I am so pissed. I got in this "not-so-argument" with my mom... and I NEVER argue with my mom... I don't want a bad relationship with her... and she walked out on the conversation, and left me in tears...
and PLEASE don't post with any of that fucking "this is normal for teenagers and their parents" bullshit. I am SO angry...
My mom and I talk about everything... nothing is NORMAL about our relationship. My mom, unlike NORMAL moms, knew when I had my first kiss, when I took my first drink, when I got high the first time... and guess what? She EVEN talks to me about my sex life... and I am fine with that... and I don't wanna lose it...
DON'T post something like "Oh, she is just worried you are growing up" or "Your mom loves you" because I know that
I posted this to vent... not so you could stick up for my mom...

Anyway... I have tears RUNNING down my face, and I can't see the screen very well... If you have my cell #, text or call me

♥ weeks //

OK... it seems like I have not posted in a year... So I have a lot to write about... FIRST THINGS FIRST!!!!!

RALLY!!!!

OK... It started Thursday, after school. We took a trip down to Atlanta... where we had an intro/lock-in... It was sorta fun... then we got on the bus, and it didn't seem like 10 hrs, but it was FUN!!!

So... Friday, we arrive at rally at about 4. We got our awesome shirts, secret pals, and name tags... Then we had dinner. The salmon... AHHH.... mouth watering... I unpacked, and got to know my cabin-mates, which BY THE WAY... are AWESOME!! I got a good set of words from a friend at the first "meet-n-greet." It meant a lot...


Then... SATURDAY!!!
Morning Meditation... SOO relaxing... It was out on the dock... absolutely eye opening... we watched the sunrise over the lake... Then breakfast came... which was OK... After breakfast, we went to the morning workshop... Time seemed to not exist... it was magical.

Then we met our family groups. Mine was awesome... I felt immediately comfortable... we left with our family group to lunch, where I met up with buddies. We then moved to zone meetings, where we elected zone leaders... Peter... congrats...

Free Time came along, and "Huh-bam" the swimming pool was COLD as FROG... it was still fun. I also took time to have a nice, long, warm shower... It was relaxing... which I then used as a stepping stone into getting ready for the formal ceremony... =) It was quite the experience...

SUNDAY... =(
It was temporary goodbye... but still goodbye none the less... though Robin's workshop was AMAZING. We had one last family group... and I cried, as did the rest of the group. It was intense... but happy in the end...

Overall... Rally was life changing... =)

♥ rally //

We have spring rally this weekend for church. I will not be on to post anything as far as I know until Monday. We are headed out tomorrow. I will have my phone, so you can call me...
I am so psyched. I went beck to storage to get my stuff, and I almost cried... I never realized how attached you can grow to materials... BUT I was so happy to see my stuff. Every time I pulled the tape off of a box, I caught myself saying things like "Oh my gosh! It's my photos!" or "Ahh, I forgot about this thing." It was interesting I think.

I came home and packed two gorgeous sundresses, 4 pairs of shoes, 2 pairs of SHORTS... I miss wearing shorts... a bunch of tank tops, skirts... and Mr. Thurtle goes everywhere with me...
I don't know if you ever met Mr. Thurtle... I have had him for about 3 years... he is very important to me... He is from BRITTANY... I sleep with him every night... so I will have to re-pack him in the morning...
She won him at Islands of Adventure on one of our middle school field trips... and so... not only does he indicate or relationship as sisters, but he indicates home, and familiarity. =)

♥ catching up //

I have not blogged in like 4 days... which is really weird for me... So lets catch up

♥ sunday //
Sunday was a tough day due to daylight savings... I was so tired, but I sdtill got up and went to the class before church. It is a "Non-Violent Communications" class. It went really well I must say... Then we went to church, which was emotional for everyone involved. Lora-Beth walked out for the last time... She will no longer be leading services. At our prayer at the end, we all sent her our "I love you, MUAH" energy in the center of the circle. When she cried, we all cried... It was a happy day none-the-less... She has one ending, which is a new beginning.
After church, I sat at home, and my boyfriend FINALLY got off work. He took me to Ruby Tuesdays. I had SHRIMP...
There was this PRECIOUS baby sitting at the table next to us... and he provided some fun while we all waited for food.
After dinner, I called and talked with Mrs. Camarata. I always laugh when I chat with her... she is a trip... I told her to get her ass on facebook.

♥ monday //
Mrs. Camarata got her ass on facebook. Haha. We laughed on Facebook IM... and talked about sex... and I realized that her kids are pretty damn lucky to have a mom like that... I realized just HOW much she was like my mommy in that sense... It was a nice chat

♥ today //
Casey was sick... but he still picked me up from school... We went to Starbucks, where I got a DELICIOUS frapp.... MMMMMMMMM and then we went to Sonic. Then... we ran into one of the teachers at our school in Walgreens. Thats about it... Pretty simple.

♥ disappointed //

I am really disappointed. My boyfriend sort of promised me he would spend time with me this afternoon... and then he sort of bailed on me. I'm not mad... just disappointed... I got all ready, and did my hair, make-up, and even put on some new clothes... and then I just sat... finally I called, and he spent time doing other things... so he can't stop by... The only reason it REALLY upsets me, is because he told me... "I won't go back on my word" and he did.

♥ kindra //

My little cousin, Kindra, and her family moved up last week. She spent the night with me last night. We played pick up sticks, and looked up silly things online. We listened to music and created a tale called "The Struggles of the Woman with the Twenty-Foot Penis."
It was hilarious. She has to wear skirts just to keep it from ripping her pants... and she had to roll it up like a fruit roll up. And sometimes it would come undone... and kids would use it as a jumprope.... other times she would trip over it. She has to stand like 18 ft away from the toilet to pee... and sometimes, when she laughed so hard she peed herself, her penis would come unrolled and smack things.... LMAO
It was so funny.... and we laughed till we cried...
We played a couple rounds of pick up sticks, and the first time I beat her by 5... the second time, however, we TIED... with 37 each... we laughed about that... and finally, went to sleep with the Amy Steinberg Playlist on my computer as our lullaby. haha

♥ happy //

OK. I got to hang out with MY LOVE today. =) He is lots of fun to be with... we only chilled for a few... we went to sonic... He had to drop me off early, because i had tumbling, and he has plans with friends today...
We got home and the little kids beat us here, and tackled his car... they trapped us in... It was cute... They really like Casey, which makes me happy. He FINALLY was able to get out of the car, and he gave me a hug... =) I hope he had fun at DJ's...
I went to tumbling... and I am doing WAYYY better than I was... My back-handspring is only a little while away. I feel really good, because I told my mom why I felt awkward before... and life is amazing...
My lesson of the day: Life has it's ups, and they are MORE than worth the downs.

♥ anonymous //

There has been an anonymous poster on my blog comments. I have been using little things to try and figure it out... and I have not been able to get it... everyone who comes to mind... just doesn't fit... So Anonymous... please DO continue to post... I think I just had an idea of who you might be... you know me in person right? I think so... or otherwise... you have read everything I have written.... I don't know.

♥ awkward //

OK... today... was officially the day of the most awkward moment I have ever had. I will NOT go into detail on a public blog... but Before the awkward OMG moment... everything was fantastic. We hung out at Nene's. I got candy... And everything was chill... At his house I talked with his mommmy for a couple hours while he took a nap.

♥ meeting //

OK. Today... My mom met his mom. It was, at first, difficult for me to relax... but once we sat down in the salon, Casey's Nene owns, and his mom manages... Melissa, Casey's mom, came over... and introduced herself. 2 seconds later, Nene comes in... then I realize Shelby, Casey's sister is sitting there. My mom sits down to have her hair done... and Drew, one of the family friends comes in... and then Andrew, Caseys step dad comes by... so like EVERYONE happened to be in while we were around. But all went well.
Then tonight, we took Casey to Olive Garden... he had NEVER been... It was really good. He liked it... and my Mom and Dad treat him like family now... Good life...

♥ him //

His name is Casey as you all know. My name is Sami... Another fact you all know... BUT... You just will never know how we connect. We look into each others eyes... and it is like... Nobody else can hear this in depth conversation we have... I had so much fun with him yesterday. I met him at work... and hung there for a few hours while he was on the shift... THEN we saw some kid who always says I'm a bitch, and calls me ugly in my 4th period... and he was with his family... acting like a Mama's Boy... and Casey was like "once my shift is over... 5:01 I'll kick his ass." haha... I was cracking up. Then We ate... I had shrimp, and he had a chicken salad... it was really good.
We went back to his house and hung out there for a few hours... I got to use the Skype to talk to his sister and Nene... and we just chilled. Then he hung out here for a few MORE hours... and NOW... now he is pulling up into my driveway... So I gotta wrap this up... Long story short "He was really uncomfortable with religion, and after talking with him for these past few months... HE IS GOING TO CHURCH WITH US!!!"