3.31.2009
♥ fail //
I fail. At most things. I never can finish what I start, and I never do what I say I will... I am a FAKE... I am not really who I appear to be. I DON'T tell the whole truth... and my boyfriend is one of 4 people I do not lie to. I feel like I am awful. I do not smile real smiles. I have only selfish wishes. I do not succeed, and then I just give up. I have no determination. I am not.
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You can add a liar because you are none of those awful things you said! You are a talented young lady who loves with her whole self. You are a person learning how to BE in this crazy mixed-up world.
ReplyDeleteFailure and Success are two sides of the same coin. You can't have one without the other. Good & Evil, Light & Dark, Happy & Sad - all coins that give meaning to one side only because the other side is right behind it.
ReplyDeleteThere is no perfect truth. There are only perspectives of right and wrong and you can easily tell that *everyone* thinks their perspective and accompanying *truth* is the right one.
Selfishness is not as bad as it's cracked up to be. We need selfishness. Without self - we have no identity at all. Our minds are composed of unique experiences that create our personalities. Our selfishness is what makes us unique. We have unique wants, drives, desires and goals.
*Balance*
That's the secret. Balancing selfish needs with one's environment - including others around one. Anyone who would become completely selfless wouldn't exist - they would be the ghost of others wishes and desires.
You may think you are giving up, but you are not. Even you writing this blog entry is sort of your minds way of trying to improve yourself - and improving oneself is done by *seeking balance* in all things. When one feels one has been deceptive - one balances it with more honesty. If one feels on has been too self-focused one redirects one's attentions to others needs. If one feels one is faking a smile, one needs to analyze *why* they aren't real and make them real by finding things to smile about. Believe me there is *always* something to smile and even laugh about, even in the worst situations! Pretty soon folks will think you are too happy, and they wont understand your secret: finding good and humor in even the worst circumstances - learning to look on the other side of that coin.