I'm sitting at Angelique's right now, thinking of this week's events.
She and I decided to take a mini-vacation to Atlanta this winter. Life is SO good. I am looking into writing another service for church. I have presented a few lessons in my life here, but I really have a desire to present lessons from my own personal journal I call "Playing Peek-a-boo with God." I think I could make a full 4 lessons out of it and possibly do a lesson series.
Right now I'm just sharing somme random thoughts as I wait to hear from Angelique. Hopefully she will pull in the driveway or call soon. <3
11.27.2010
11.18.2010
Calling my name
Ever had a strange thing happen, and make it apparent that your bound to do something...?
Recognized destiny before it happened?
Well... I've been to Atlanta a few times... but I mean... I couldn't tell you left and right in Atlanta. I have JUST grown to know Knoxville, and I am SO attached to things that are here... and the people have CHANGED my life... between Christi, Kristi, Angelique, Jeanne, and MANY others I haven't mentioned in the blogs... I feel like I could never let all of them go... But I'll tell you... when I left Knoxville for Atlanta this past weekend, I felt like I was going home... and when I left Atlanta, I wanted to cry...
But I have been to a church in Atlanta with my church group... and I have had a dream every night this week that I pull up to the church, open my back car door, and pull out a little girl who is clearly mine. She has little dark curls, and must be 2 or 3.
I pull her out, and she doesn't want to put her shoes on. I explain the pavement is hot. She won't budge.
Kristi texts me in the middle of all of this, and asks if she and the kids would be welcome in my spare bedroom next weekend... I don't reply right away... and give my little girl a piggy back ride when she insists on keeping the shoes off. I drop her off in the nursery room, and climb back up the stairs to sit in the sanctuary, where I see plenty of familiar faces.
I told my best friend about it, and she said "well, whats in atlanta for you" to which I replied "I don't know, but it's calling my name."
Recognized destiny before it happened?
Well... I've been to Atlanta a few times... but I mean... I couldn't tell you left and right in Atlanta. I have JUST grown to know Knoxville, and I am SO attached to things that are here... and the people have CHANGED my life... between Christi, Kristi, Angelique, Jeanne, and MANY others I haven't mentioned in the blogs... I feel like I could never let all of them go... But I'll tell you... when I left Knoxville for Atlanta this past weekend, I felt like I was going home... and when I left Atlanta, I wanted to cry...
But I have been to a church in Atlanta with my church group... and I have had a dream every night this week that I pull up to the church, open my back car door, and pull out a little girl who is clearly mine. She has little dark curls, and must be 2 or 3.
I pull her out, and she doesn't want to put her shoes on. I explain the pavement is hot. She won't budge.
Kristi texts me in the middle of all of this, and asks if she and the kids would be welcome in my spare bedroom next weekend... I don't reply right away... and give my little girl a piggy back ride when she insists on keeping the shoes off. I drop her off in the nursery room, and climb back up the stairs to sit in the sanctuary, where I see plenty of familiar faces.
I told my best friend about it, and she said "well, whats in atlanta for you" to which I replied "I don't know, but it's calling my name."
10.26.2010
Lexie Nay
My little Angel, Lexie... (Kristi's lil one) is having dental surgery tomorrow, and the poor baby girl is worried SICK.
She sat for nearly an hour today on my lap laying her head on my shoulder... silently.
Now... that is kind of like George W. Bush and Bill Clinton going out for a drink... It just doesn't happen.
I love that girl and I'm just hoping she will be relaxed tomorrow. <3 sweet angel.
She sat for nearly an hour today on my lap laying her head on my shoulder... silently.
Now... that is kind of like George W. Bush and Bill Clinton going out for a drink... It just doesn't happen.
I love that girl and I'm just hoping she will be relaxed tomorrow. <3 sweet angel.
10.24.2010
=( wow
I have spent so much money on my damn car keeping it fixed. I have been stressing how we are ever going to get out of the situation we are in.
I was without a car for 6 days while the mechanic had it... then I drive it 20 miles, and boom, it's dead again!
WTF?
So, I have no way to get to work, right?
That's cool, whatever, you know?
So then, I wake up this morning, stand up, and my whole leg falls out from under me... I have no balance, and my ankle is in severe pain.
I missed church this morning, and I am laying in angeliques bed with my leg propped up and ice wrapped around my foot.
=( I'm in pain and I just God to work a miracle on me... that's all.
OK. Venting is over.
Let's move on and do something productive.
I was without a car for 6 days while the mechanic had it... then I drive it 20 miles, and boom, it's dead again!
WTF?
So, I have no way to get to work, right?
That's cool, whatever, you know?
So then, I wake up this morning, stand up, and my whole leg falls out from under me... I have no balance, and my ankle is in severe pain.
I missed church this morning, and I am laying in angeliques bed with my leg propped up and ice wrapped around my foot.
=( I'm in pain and I just God to work a miracle on me... that's all.
OK. Venting is over.
Let's move on and do something productive.
10.03.2010
Angelique
I am about to leave Angelique's house.
I love her SO much. She is an outstanding person. Not only is she absolutely GORGEOUS, but she is one of the most caring and compassionate people I have EVER had the pleasure of knowing. Her heart is as big as the universe, and there are infinite numbers of things to love about her.
I have somebody, now, that I can really talk to on a level slightly out of my comfort zone... and be comfortable... something I've not had on such a level... ever.
I love her SO much. She is an outstanding person. Not only is she absolutely GORGEOUS, but she is one of the most caring and compassionate people I have EVER had the pleasure of knowing. Her heart is as big as the universe, and there are infinite numbers of things to love about her.
I have somebody, now, that I can really talk to on a level slightly out of my comfort zone... and be comfortable... something I've not had on such a level... ever.
9.22.2010
The Wasp
I am sitting here, watching a wasp fly over and over at the window, in hopes each time that the outside, which he longs for, will be his in each attempt.
The window, of course does not move.
He displays such determination, never seeming defeated.
This has gone on for hours. He sits on the window, and I know, watching, that if he would allow himself for just a moment to lose sight of what it is he is longing for, and fly another direction, he would find the door, and it would be all his, yet he is SO determined to fly straight into what he wants, he will not consider an alternate route.
I think there is something metaphysical for me to learn in this. I am going to catch him in a container and set him free now. Please share thoughts on this.
The window, of course does not move.
He displays such determination, never seeming defeated.
This has gone on for hours. He sits on the window, and I know, watching, that if he would allow himself for just a moment to lose sight of what it is he is longing for, and fly another direction, he would find the door, and it would be all his, yet he is SO determined to fly straight into what he wants, he will not consider an alternate route.
I think there is something metaphysical for me to learn in this. I am going to catch him in a container and set him free now. Please share thoughts on this.
9.06.2010
Music
I wrote a new song!
The lyrics start out "If I could fall in love again, I'd probably lock myself away. Because at least the could, lifeless tower, would always keep me safe."
The lyrics start out "If I could fall in love again, I'd probably lock myself away. Because at least the could, lifeless tower, would always keep me safe."
8.29.2010
Hey Hey, this is stupid. haha
Hey guys.
So, this past Wednesday, my uncle, Ronnie, passed away... hummm diddly doo.
So, I have this wonderful photography business, Dollface Photos, www.dollfacephotos.tk, and I am so thrilled. My business cards came in, and I've got some FANTASTIC photos this past week. =)
I'll upload some of them later.
So, this past Wednesday, my uncle, Ronnie, passed away... hummm diddly doo.
So, I have this wonderful photography business, Dollface Photos, www.dollfacephotos.tk, and I am so thrilled. My business cards came in, and I've got some FANTASTIC photos this past week. =)
I'll upload some of them later.
8.24.2010
Cry myself into a sea
Wow. It's been one year today since Kerry and Carmen both died. Oh the anger! I still am so sad to think they both were preventable.
When I got the call for Carmen, I had already been in break-down mode over the news about Kerry.
I kind of feel like that emotion is real again. It hurts so bad, too. I just want this to be a dream sometimes when these things happen. =(
When I got the call for Carmen, I had already been in break-down mode over the news about Kerry.
I kind of feel like that emotion is real again. It hurts so bad, too. I just want this to be a dream sometimes when these things happen. =(
8.15.2010
8.14.2010
8.12.2010
Webcam
I am trying to also install my webcam so that I can sing a song to you guys that i wrote last week for a very dear friend of mine... =) WOO! I have a whole book full of songs I've written, but it's the first worth singing... =)
Stay tuned for that!
I hopefully will have that up within the next week. I need to find the ukulele to accompany myself with. =)
Stay tuned for that!
I hopefully will have that up within the next week. I need to find the ukulele to accompany myself with. =)
Sami McAllister Photography
Well, Flickr pissed me off with a '200 photo max'
So, I dropped the 365 project... Left the pictures up there that I already have...
and NOW, I have my own photo business right from home.
www.dollfacephotos.tk
Yep... My loyal readers should look, and anyone passing through should check it out. I'm so happy....
by the way... this is post number 301 for me... =) WOOHOO! I've been going strong for over a year... =)
So, I dropped the 365 project... Left the pictures up there that I already have...
and NOW, I have my own photo business right from home.
www.dollfacephotos.tk
Yep... My loyal readers should look, and anyone passing through should check it out. I'm so happy....
by the way... this is post number 301 for me... =) WOOHOO! I've been going strong for over a year... =)
8.09.2010
[17/365]
These two ladies.
Angelique, the blonde, and Brittany, the brunette, are life savers. Angelique is probably one of the most grounded, reasonable, and sweet people I have ever met. She is good at whatever she does, and she has a way of making people feel loved and deserving.
Brittany, on the other hand, is the sister my mom forgot about. She is so much like me, and we have had so many great memories. I got the chance to spend the last 2 weeks with her... and then she had to fly back home...
I always am missing her.
Angelique, the blonde, and Brittany, the brunette, are life savers. Angelique is probably one of the most grounded, reasonable, and sweet people I have ever met. She is good at whatever she does, and she has a way of making people feel loved and deserving.
Brittany, on the other hand, is the sister my mom forgot about. She is so much like me, and we have had so many great memories. I got the chance to spend the last 2 weeks with her... and then she had to fly back home...
I always am missing her.
7.29.2010
7.26.2010
7.23.2010
7.22.2010
[1/365]
I decided to start a 365 project... =) lets see if i can stick to it. =) I've wanted to do it for a while... Finally, I'm starting!
7.21.2010
Anyways
I'm Baaaaack.
I had a month from Hell in Kansas.
I started this blog back when I was 16. Now I have just turned 18, this Sunday.
So much has changed since this blog was started... and so much has stayed the same.
For one, I don't blog nearly as much as I'd like to anymore.
I was very confident when I started this blog... and I lost some of that.
I didn't know anyone in Tennessee when I started this blog... and now I have hundreds.
I was just a girl from out of town when I started this blog... now I play an important role in the community.
I had never felt so loved... and I had never felt so hated...
I'll be uploading photos of my vacation soon!
On the agenda this week: Brandon and Zaxby's tomorrow...
Brittany will be flying in to see me Saturday!
I had a month from Hell in Kansas.
I started this blog back when I was 16. Now I have just turned 18, this Sunday.
So much has changed since this blog was started... and so much has stayed the same.
For one, I don't blog nearly as much as I'd like to anymore.
I was very confident when I started this blog... and I lost some of that.
I didn't know anyone in Tennessee when I started this blog... and now I have hundreds.
I was just a girl from out of town when I started this blog... now I play an important role in the community.
I had never felt so loved... and I had never felt so hated...
I'll be uploading photos of my vacation soon!
On the agenda this week: Brandon and Zaxby's tomorrow...
Brittany will be flying in to see me Saturday!
7.01.2010
Kansas and Cancer
The two most depressing things right now for me.
Well, if you have been a loyal reader, you know I have always been surrounded by people with crisis.
If I love them, crisis is sure to follow.
So... why break the pattern now?
People I love in pensacola loosing their homes... 2 more cancer cases... and other issues I'm not getting into.
ANYWAY... I fugured it out...
God sends them to me. I keep a smile and a possitive outlook when it's somebody else.
A couple months after meeting each person... something insane happens.
OK. So.. Usually, I get this feeling that things are OK if they are... and I feel comfortable telling people that it will all be OK.
With one of these cancer cases... I can't bring myself to tell her she will overcome it... and it scares me... because the last person I got this feeling with was Carmen (Go back to August 09 in archives)
And i am stuck in Kansas... with nothing but dead fields around... and the peole I am spending time around are so negative here.
I'll escape with my step-mom tomorrow to visit my grea aunt, who is a bit more possitive...
Can't wait to be home...
(I'll be returning to TN on my birthday, July 18)
Well, if you have been a loyal reader, you know I have always been surrounded by people with crisis.
If I love them, crisis is sure to follow.
So... why break the pattern now?
People I love in pensacola loosing their homes... 2 more cancer cases... and other issues I'm not getting into.
ANYWAY... I fugured it out...
God sends them to me. I keep a smile and a possitive outlook when it's somebody else.
A couple months after meeting each person... something insane happens.
OK. So.. Usually, I get this feeling that things are OK if they are... and I feel comfortable telling people that it will all be OK.
With one of these cancer cases... I can't bring myself to tell her she will overcome it... and it scares me... because the last person I got this feeling with was Carmen (Go back to August 09 in archives)
And i am stuck in Kansas... with nothing but dead fields around... and the peole I am spending time around are so negative here.
I'll escape with my step-mom tomorrow to visit my grea aunt, who is a bit more possitive...
Can't wait to be home...
(I'll be returning to TN on my birthday, July 18)
6.20.2010
6.12.2010
Summer Rally
Remember last June, when I went away for a week, and canoed, and meditated, and did a 12 hour silence...???
It's that time of year.
My clothes are IN the wash RIGHT now. =)
Leaving bright and early tomorrow.
It's that time of year.
My clothes are IN the wash RIGHT now. =)
Leaving bright and early tomorrow.
6.08.2010
See this?
I watched 8 year olds up on their toes like this just playing around back stage at the recital.... had to share!
Wow.
I almost forgot about this thing... I've been SO busy...
Anyway, I know I've talked about Lexie here before... and I got to watch her dance this weekend. She is so beautiful and talented!
They brought tears to my eyes during the ballet portion of the recital. AND FINALLY... I got a photo of us!
Her mommy got me a job working with these girls, and doing hair/make-up/costumes for them. I had SO much fun... but in the 72 hours I was helping, I got MAYBE 10 hours of sleep... and that's pushing it.
I'd do it again in a heart beat!
5.23.2010
♥ 277 //
You are currently reading blog post 277 of this blog. I am SO close to 300. I can't wait. If I can remember, I will try and post my longest post EVER for 300. hehe
Anyway... today was long. Tomorrow is my last official day of school. After that, exams, and we're out!
I can't stand how my mom and dad act sometimes... I mean, grow up. Mom always tells me that I 'CHOOSE to let people influence' my day... and dad decides not to go to walmart with her because he needs time, and she gets all bitchy for the day... and then dad is so depressed when we are not financially wonderful, that he sits and does nothing... which adds to the instability of the financial situation... get it?
Anyway... today was long. Tomorrow is my last official day of school. After that, exams, and we're out!
I can't stand how my mom and dad act sometimes... I mean, grow up. Mom always tells me that I 'CHOOSE to let people influence' my day... and dad decides not to go to walmart with her because he needs time, and she gets all bitchy for the day... and then dad is so depressed when we are not financially wonderful, that he sits and does nothing... which adds to the instability of the financial situation... get it?
5.22.2010
♥ kindra //
She's back. We cranked the lawn mower. Yeah, you're jealous. We are eating popcorn, candy, drinking unhealthy drinks, and she is eating slim jims... yeah... this will be a good night.
5.18.2010
Colbie Caillat - Fallin' For You (Official Video)
I think this basically sums up my situation... but he's not that annoying... and he's definately more attractive... <3 lalala
why?
Wow. I really am falling for this guy.
Here's the thing though... I don't want to fall for him... wasn't exactly who I felt like I wanted to be with... and I feel like I am only 17... what do I know about love?
I don't want him to know I am falling for him either... but ugh. He's my first thought in the morning, and last thought at night. I get all giddy and bubbly when I think of him...
and I promised myself not to fall for anyone for a while...
WHY OH WHY?
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