Everything is WONDEROUS

videooooo

doubtful thoughts

Do you ever feel like there is doubt in your mind? What happens next? And why can't God simply send us a true unexplainable proof of her existence?
I don't believe in hell, and I don't believe in the devil... but I do wonder why our faith is tested...
and I also wonder if it really is testing faith... or if there is simply nothing to look forward to after this... and if there is simply no god... how sad would that be? billions of people commit themselves to god...
and we don't even know if she exists.

Carmen.

If I could say anything to her right now, it would be this:
Carmen, I love you so much. I feel so blessed to have been a part of your life, and so blessed to have you influence mine. You are so inspirational, and I will never forget who you are. You are a great teacher, even outside of the classroom. Your optimism always brings a big smile to my face, and reminds me that the glass is always half full, even if it had to sit through a storm to get that way.
You have lived to the fullest, and touched so many peoples lives. I pray that God scoops you into her arms and cradles you until you are comfortable. May your journey be safe, and full of bliss. You will be missed by many, but we all may find comfort in knowing that God has you wrapped in a warm, comforting hug until we arrive after you.
Thank you for being.
Thank you for speaking.
Thank you for teaching.
Thank you.

Boy oh boy!

Today I went shopping. I love shopping.
I think I am feeling sort of pessimistic today. I don't like it at all.
I feel gross, and I feel like I am falling. I have a good feeling there is a trampoline at the bottom of this drop though... and I can jump up with everything I have. =)

Should anything ever happen to me... I don't want anyone to feel sadness like this... but I want to live to be the best person I can be...
I just never want my loved ones to have to mourn my death. It's a horrible pain that I hope they never feel because of me... I would not want to ever let them feel this...

I thought I'd share an Amy Steinberg quote:
"Snapshots of my life caught between raindrop memories of you and me. Standing in this quicksand I am sinking into memories of you and me. How can this be true? That all these years have passed, and I am still not over you. Oh, how can I still grieve over your memory?"

Today,,, oh how I dislike thee

Well, the title is only half true. it should be this afternoon that I dislike.
I woke up at a decent time
and headed to school for the day
because I am a weird person.
SOOOO.
I got there and did my peer
teaching stuff that i needed to
and I headed down to Christi's room

I got A LOVELY SET OF BIRTHDAY PRESENTS
and I adore them
I picked on Christi
which is a hobby of mine

THEN...
I came home
and mom lost her jopb
and Carmen is in the hospital
and isn't expected to pull through the weekend.
and I am afraid

Look around

Can you take a minute. Consider every person you love. Not just family, and not friends, and not just romantic love.
Consider people you would cry for. Consider people who have given you anything, whether it be advice, knowledge, money, a hug... anything at all.
Now... imagine one person you know... a whole family you know.
You know these people... and care about them...
and you find out... one of them is going to die this week.
Now what do you do?
What do you say to them?
What about to their family?

I had this happen...
and spent 4 hours with the person...
knowing she would die...
and she is going to...
.but when?
I don't know.
The optimists all become pessimists at one point or another
and the loving all display hatred

Even if they return to who they once were...
they're all affected by the events

I love so many people.

Hay Dorkos Mio

So, Dorkanna and I made a Dorktionary in Dorklando. haha.
I already miss Orlando.
I came home yesterday, safe and sound, and TRULY miss Orlando once again... I feel like visiting almost put me back at square one....
but it was the single most enjoyable vacation I have ever taken!

Pics in Flo-ho

Beach Dayyyys

I woke up at 5:30 to catch the sunrise in the harbor. I snuck into Arianna's room and quietly woke her as a way to spend our time together. She has BAD middle child syndrome. We hit it off well though, so I offered to let her walk with me this morning, and she asked to tag along... so we were at the beach for sunrise.
Then we came back to the condo, and we slept again until breakfast.
We went OUT to the beach a little later. We say little nurse sharks, and then when low tide rolled in, we saw dolphins and swam out to meet them. I got about 3 feet away, buit I didn't touch because of the laws....
ANYWHO....
We came back, went to the pool, played racketball... and OH... wait until you hear this:
Deanna sat at the beach all day, and ended up with a triangular sunburn on her tummy.
We couldn't figure out how it happened... and then I realized, it was because her BOOBS casted a shadow on her tummy... lol

Whorelando, sweet homescre

Today... oh well, today was an entire movie worth of drama... let me tell you... hehe
So... I woke up to the sound of Kristianna (squishy face) screaming bloody murder. Apparently she was playing with her daddy... at 6:45 AM. No problem, as I am a morning person. I planned on waking up within the hour anyway.
THEN, I wake Julianna up for my plans with her... I do this at about 8:30 or 9. She wakes up, and gets ready and we head out.
We walk up to our bus stop, and the first bus successfully takes us to our destination 1. We transfer to bus 2, and apparentle, HEADING east is not enough for the bus to be EASTbound.
SOOOOO... We get the pleasure of a 3-4 HOUR trip around orlando, just touring my home town.
Lots of crazy events...
I spent 120 dollars today
I am expensive
but I am happy with myself
I talked to Carmen... sweetheart she is.....
I called, and she was happy to hear from me.
Makes me cry to think od her will. I love her so much... =)

Todays events

woke up
drove to dentist
they drilles
and clamped
i bled
i cried
dentist pissed me off
we scheduled another appointment
we left
we drove home
i called rebecca
it made me laugh
i fell asleep
i woke up
went to walmart
picked out razors
got toothpaste
passed hair dye isle
went back to hair dye isle
bought hair dye
regained feeling in my gums
ouch
came home
it stormed
my new cell phone arrived
talked to deanna
talked to melissa
talked to brittany
talked to christi
put hairdye in
talked to melissa
rinsed hairdye
took 20 pictures trying to get the dye to show up
posted this blog
went to bed
woke up
went to chiropractor
went to lunch
went to pilot store
went to air port
checked in
got on plane
arrived in orlando
rode with cara
went to brittany's
HOPEFULLY I will post the NEXT events from brittany's...
Love you...

Whorelando

My home town... WHORElando.
I love that place.
I'll be there in less than 24 hours.
In 48 hours, I will have eaten lunch with Carmen...
and in 72 hours I will be at waterford...
and in 96 hours... I'll be at the beach <3

Approaching 200

I am approaching 200 posts...

AND...
Today, my LOVER and I went out...
I talked with Melissa last night... and told her everything.... so I stopped by her SHOP today to say hello... <3
but anyway... Brandon and I went out and about today... We started with getting in the mini-van, cause his car broke down....
we headed to Melissa's work, and she was shampooing her daughters hair...
She is such a cutie....
ANYWHO...
she gave me a free eyebrow wax, and I showed her Carmen's charm bracelet.
Then Brandon and I went to Panchos, Seymours ONLY mexican restaurant. Technically not in Seymour...
AND THEN
we went to walmart...
and bought a movie....
the end.

HOTlanta

I went to Atlanta yesterday. I love it because it was a spontaneous, unplanned trip. We did not expect to go, and we did not even think our plans out.
I went with Judi, and she and I spent over $700. We didn't really have it all planned out, but we made it fun.
I ended up buying 9 charms, a chain, some clasps, and some stuff to make jewelry boxes.
I ended up crafting the single most emotional piece of jewelry I ever have.
I ended up being so very proud of the effort and time put into this piece!

Just... about me?

I am putting my opinions of who I am...
a short one...
I am that teenager who doesn't fit in in high school
I am that teenager who doesn't WANT to fit in
I am that girl, who you can be absolutely horrible to,
and I am the girl who will still see a Christ light in you
I am that girl who you can give the evil eye, and as you walk into the street, I'll pull you out of the buses path...
I am that girl who doesn't really talk to people her age in school
I am the girl with access to the teachers lounge
I am that girl who will argue for 72 hours straight to defend a good cause...
I am that girl who recognizes the SMALLEST good deed, and will ALWAYS be repaying you for that ONE smile you brought to my face
I am that girl who you can always trust with your secrets

Have you ever noticed?

The roller coaster analogy people often compare life to is wrong.
roller coasters start VERY low, and work their way up to their highest point, and you never reach that high again...
Gives you nothing to look forward to...
I think we start high up and we end high up.
I would compare life to a pendulum...
You sometimes see the same things over, and over... but those are constants...
and you reach 2 high points in each cycle...
and one low point...
instead of being down as much as up
and on a roller coaster, you go down, and you never reach as high as the previous hill...
So, I will not have a roller coaster as a life....
I'll just have a hike... or a pendulum